9.9.9


I love dates that are number patterns – like today – 09/09/09, or in July – 7/8/9.  I don’t really know why.  It seems in general we are drawn to patterns and that we give great significance to certain numbers and patterns.  Deeming some lucky and some evil.  Like 6-6-6.  Was June 6, 2006 an evil day?  Is it bad luck if your lunch bill is $6.66?  Is 9-9-9 the opposite of evil, or evil to the 3rd power?

What if there is no evil?

It is interesting to me that people often react with more fear at that thought, than the thought that true evil exits.  I find that mind boggling.

I grew up Catholic – and it seems the religion I was taught was more about the struggle between good and evil than it was about the message that God is the all loving creator of all life.  There were many more hours spent teaching me about evil and punishment than ever dedicated to love and forgiveness.

I can remember as as small child being very confused by the two versions of God that were preached.  God is all loving, all forgiving, the father of all creation who granted us free will and who is omnipotent – and – God is vengeful, God punishes sin, God judges, and God only accepts into his heavenly kingdom those who obey his laws. 

First of all, if God is all powerful, how could there be a fallen angel or a devil at war with him?  Especially if he is also vengeful?  He would blast that evil soul out of existence.  If he created something, he can certainly uncreate it if he doesn’t like it.  A being is either all powerful or not all powerful.  I can’t imagine an all powerful being tolerating a demon running around harrassing his beloved creations.  It just doesn’t make sense to me.

And…if God granted us free will, why would he judge and punish us for using it??  That would be like me telling my kids “Sure, you can eat all the ice cream you want!”, then grounding them for life for doing so.  Again, I cannot find the logic in that.

I know lots of people will say that the bible tells us that God judges and punishes and has set out the rules for what is right and what is wrong.  It seems to me that since the bible was written by human beings it is likely that their own interpretations, life experiences, culture, and belief systems are intertwined with the enlightenment with which they were graced.  It is still man’s take on God’s word.

So, what if evil does not exist?  What if this war between good and evil is really our human experience of balancing our holy selves with our human selves; our spirit with our ego?  Every act I can think of that I have heard people define as evil seems to me to be directly connected to ego-centricity or even ego-mania.  Ego is of the physical world – it is concerned with self and self importance.  Spirit is of the metaphysical world and is concerned with the the whole of life experience.  When ego is in the power seat, it can drive one to act in ways that can be described as greedy, envious, prideful, and lustful.  When one is in touch with their spirit, they are more likely to act in ways defined as charitable, patient, kind, and full of humility.

Having my kids has driven this home for me more than any other experience I have encountered in my life.  I have come to understand that these kids live in mortal fear of being abandoned, abused and neglected.  They did not have the capacity to trust that anyone would be there to take care of them, keep them safe, and love them.  This excessive fear has caused them to act out in ways that on the surface look to be greedy, gluttonous, vengeful, and ungrateful.

They are not evil children, they are frightened children.  Fear is the fuel of Ego – the more fear, the greater the control ego has in ones life.

Initially I reacted to my kids the way I had learned to as a “good Catholic”.  Judge the behavior and punish it.  Meet fear with power.  Assert my ego over theirs.

But, when I let go of my fears of not being loved and appreciated, I understood.  I began to meet their fear with emapthy.  To soothe their fears, not face them down.  To bathe them in kindness, regardless of how they treated me.  To be vulnerable and let them see my vulnerability.  Yes, I still expect them to do what I ask, to follow the rules, to be responsible.  And I request it instead of demanding it.  I use humor, compassion and gentle words.

I am not perfect.  I still let my ego-driven pride interfere sometimes.  I still lose my temper on ocassion.  Not as often though.  And we all laugh more.  And hug more.  And our home is calmer and more peaceful.

And I wonder…wouldn’t an all loving, all powerful all forgiving God be more like what I am trying to be?  Wouldn’t it make sense that he is all Spirit and no ego?? 

I am pretty sure that he is at least as proud of us, his creations, for who we are as I am of my kids.

And if I’m wrong….

I think he will forgive me ^~^

copyrighted 9/9/09

One Response

  1. Meg, your blog is so insightful. Even though our lives are very different, our thoughts and experiences and awakenings are very similar. Your thoughts on the bible and the fact that it was written by men really struck a chord with me, because I believe the exact same thing.
    Thanks for writing and for sharing your life with us!!! It helps to see that someone else is experiencing the same feelings feelings as me:)
    Love you!
    Deb

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